conversations with my mind

take this pain away! how? cutting? the pain helps? yes, i must say it does. what about death? that could help but how to do it? so many options, none plausable. why couldn't he just take me back? why did i do it in the first place? i love him. there are no words for how i feel about him. i need him to live. if i can't kill me maybe i could kill her, no i don't have the heart for that. boy, come with me for a week, give me a week just a chance for week in a new town with new people and no one that knows you tell everyone your going away with the family and i beg you, come give me a chance for a week to try and change your mind if i fail then i will leave you alone i won't ever try to get you back again, second week of the holidays i will be at my dad come down with me? please? one week? do you love me enougth to give me a second chance?

what i have always wanted to tell you.

there is so much to say. i would never know where to start. lol you have no idea how much i love you. too much to be able to out in to words. i would give up absolutely everything to be with you again, even for only one night, i would go and get my Artemis fowl book and burn them and never speak of them again if it meant i had you back.

oh there is so much more i want to say but i don't know how to say it.


no one knows this but i make up tests for the people around me to see how much they really care, my fathers test was if he calls me then i will come to his house... so far he is failing. i had one simple little test for males the way i would know if i had found the one would be if they could with out prompting if they knew me so well they could describe my perfect night cuz they knew me that well.... you did that. tho it was after we broke up, but i think that was when i really realised my mistake. you know i can pinpoint the moment i started to love you, and the moment i fell in love with you, and please don't say sorry, none of this is your fault.